August 2024
August 2024
Hello,
I am not entirely sure where the time has flown. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to ask if they missed the August blog post. I was so convinced this would be a slower summer but it has not turned out to be that way and already we find ourselves into August and I turn 65 in less than 8 days or so! What!?!
I have really disciplined myself to find moments of solitude, stillness and silence as I wrote about last month. They are critical to me showing up as my best self in every aspect of my life. Pico Iyer said it best, “I think stillness is about listening. And when you really listen in an uncluttered place, you’re hearing a voice that’s wiser than yourself.”
I keep notes in my iPhone Notes App for this blog post by month. I will read something that catches my attention that I want to share with you and I will drop it there until I decide which ones are worth sharing. I realize you are all very busy and it is asking a lot to stop and read, so I normally try to be much more concise. However, this month there are a lot of great ideas.
Idea Number 1
Idea Number One, comes from one of my favorite authors, James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits. He said that most people procrastinate because they are waiting to be hit with a bolt of inspiration. That’s not what moves the needle forward in life. You just have to replace inspiration with discipline.
The other day, I had a terrible evening of tossing and turning all night long. I had a migraine, every joint in my body ached and every tooth in my mouth throbbed. I was convinced I might have covid finally. When I looked over at the alarm clock and it was 0500, it would have been very easy to just pull the down comforter over my head and decide to sleep in. But I live with Mr. Fox who went to Maritime Academy. He could be dying and he will get up, take the shower and give it a go. He may succumb to a nap later in the day but he was not going to let anything get the better of him. So, I got up and took the first shower. I definitely had at least a summer sniffle. But by the end of the second cup of coffee, I got dressed and tried to not succumb.
Discipline will get you through many moments in which you are uninspired. Discipline will overcome procrastination and lack of motivation. What are the areas of your life that you could work on having a bit more discipline?
Idea Number 2
This second idea comes from JD Schram. You have all heard of KISS for Keep it Simple Stupid. His riff on KISS is Keep, Improve, Start and Stop. This is something in my real estate business that my partner and I practice after each closing. Whether or not things went beautifully for our clients or not, we always triage and go over what will we continue to do, what could use improvement, is there anything we need to start doing and what should we stop doing. It also works in running a household or family. It’s a great acronym to get the kids thinking of in terms of what you all do as a family routinely. Or, if you are single or empty nesters what in your routines do you Keep, Improve, Start or Stop? Try it!
Idea Number 3
Bruce Feiler is another favorite author. His most recent writing is about Non Linear Life. Did you know that most Americans have Work Quakes every two years? Just today a favorite past client posted about his 20th work anniversary at Disney. That is rare these days. I remember when I started my very first real job at Sea-Land, I witnessed folks being gifted a huge teak wheel plaque for a life time of service. 20, 30, 40 years were the norm not an anomaly. When I departed at 12 years, I felt I had failed in some ways because I really envisioned I would be departing with a Lifetime Wheel.
But times have changed. My daughter is in tech and longevity is not the norm. I often ponder how much wisdom that cannot be quantified is getting lost with all the shuffling around.
But back to Bruce. He says:
Success is digging, not climbing. You need to take a Meaning Audit and tap into your internal wisdom or your unknown known.
Success is meaning, not means. There’s value in your values.
Success is a story, not status.
I have enjoyed my second career in Real Estate because of all the “other” meaningful things I have been able to accomplish along with helping guide my Buyers and Sellers in their transitions. Being able to fundraise. Being able to teach, coach and mentor my peers. Those things have given me as much if not more value add to my life than the means it has provided me.
Idea Number Four
Michael Clinton’s book ROAR Into the Second Half of Your Life Before It’s Too Late is another great, short read.
R Reimagine yourself
O Own who you are
A Act on what’s next
R Reassess your relationships
Truly such great advice. If you can imagine it, it can happen. If you had told me five years ago that I would be speaking in front of a group of a couple hundred of my peers, I would have scoffed. Yet I knew I had a message that I wanted to convey and even though I could use a ton of help with my public speaking, the things I had to say were important enough to own who I was, but not procrastinate and act on what needed to be next. Was it perfect? No far from it. But I also learned and felt such kindness from so many unexpected sources and encouraging words to keep at it.
Idea Number Five
Daniel Pink has a book called The Power of Regret. If you’ve heard me speak, you know I quote Mr. Pink often. Writing this during the Olympics makes this even more poignant. He writes about “at least” and “if only”. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Watch the medal ceremony at the Olympics closely. Did you know that the athletes who win the bronze are usually happier than the silver medalist? The bronze medalist is saying, “At least I made it onto the podium!”. Whereas the silver medalist is saying, “If only I…”. We see this in real estate. No one EVER wants to be the runner up in a bidding war. Oof.
We often don’t see how far we have come because we compare ourselves to others. “If only” thinking is known as upward counterfactual. It can help us learn from past experiences but it also elicits regret, self judgement and disappointment.
Humans will often choose the comfort of “at least”. Every time we do, we use downward counterfactual thinking. That can, however limit our learning and make it hard to get out of our comfort zone. Just look around you. You will see far more “at least” thinkers.
Ask yourself; are you choosing to be the silver or bronze medalist in life? How about going for the gold?
Idea Number Six
Yung Pueblo is a young, thought leader. I hope you all get a chance to read his book, The Way Forward. He practiced deep meditation for 12 years starting at 24. The book is about what his twelve years taught him.
He offers us twelve lessons he learned from this period of his life.
Those who hurt have been hurt.
Ego and the sense of self are not fundamentally real.
Surround yourself with people who have qualities you want to develop.
Your present is created by your past actions. In the present moment is where your power lies.
Intentionally live your life in a way where you are not trying to harm others and actively working on expanding compassion for all beings will directly support your inner peace.
Having boundaries will help your growth flourish.
Being able to see perspectives outside of your own is a sign of intelligence and mental strength.
You will not realize how strong you are until you push yourself.
Having a fluid sense of identity, where you allow yourself to change, leads to a happier life because you are moving with the natural flow of change as opposed to against it.
Trying to control everything is a recipe for great mental tension.
Setting time and space aside so you can work on yourself is not selfish. It is actually a great gift to yourself and those around you.
Deep inner struggle comes from having a bad relationship with change.
So as I wrap this already L-O-N-G August post, many have asked me with my impending 65th birthday what I am wishing for. That one is an easy question. I am wishing for more serenity, inner peace and outer calm.
I continue to work on the following eight things.
Being mindful or present in the moment as much as possible.
Saying NO without guilt. To understand completely the value of my time and my energy. To be selective, set boundaries and protect my peace.
Prioritize sleep.
Embrace my imperfections. Messy mistakes are ok as long as I learn and can carry on.
Express gratitude daily. Continue my 5 x 8 Noticings.
Practice regular self care. In my case this is simply quiet time. Nothing but a book, a pen and a notebook.
Maintain a positive outlook.
Work on my emotional intelligence. Calm and composed is a shell developed over time and not overnight.
Folks, it’s a journey. To be able to embark on a 65th year is a real privilege I do not take lightly. I am glad you are walking along side me. I am grateful for each of you.
Sincerely,
Coach Diane
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