Noticing

October 2024

“Your job, throughout your entire life,

is to disappoint as many people as it takes

to avoid disappointing yourself.”

-Glennon Doyle. 

I have been getting a few whys recently. Why aren’t you retired? Why on earth did you start up a second business? Why are you sharing so many vulnerable moments on your blog posts? Aren’t you concerned what others will think? Lots of whys. 

Thank you for your whys!

I tend to be drawn to people who are appropriately vulnerable and honest about who they are. I don’t personally look to my own coaches to be perfect humans. I don’t think anyone really is. I've always been able to glean many lessons without having to go through the fire and getting burned myself. I'm going to guess that a similar type of person will be drawn to what I have to share and coach.

The biggest roadblocks to my not playing bigger sooner in my life are two things. One, my mother’s constant nagging voice in my head, that always says, “Who do you think you are?” making my default position one of staying small, not attracting attention and staying really comfortable. The first is rather self explanatory.

While it seems odd, “being comfortable” can really prevent one from busting a move and getting on with an idea or a dream. So many of us settle for “good enough” because it’s comfortable like a broken-in pair of shoes. It’s reliable and predictable and why rock the boat? I've worked hard since the age of 16 to create my material life, just as I want. I have been blessed to witness repeatedly that money doesn’t buy you happiness and as a consequence, I've always known what feels like “enough” for me. I really don’t care if it meets a conventional norm. I used to say, “I want a little cottage by the water with a cozy kitchen and tons of books”. Be careful what you wish for, because it may come true.

I like to live a life of no debt and am very picky that certain creature comforts in my daily life are just so. I will never compromise on thread count for my sheets, a high quality bath sheet heated on a towel warmer, a good facial cream, the best Modena vinegar and a quality evoo, very good food and good wines and no budget when it comes to books. As my husband says, I am pretty low maintenance. I have a very comfortable life. 

But here is the thing with a comfortable life; sooner or later there is that nagging voice that there should be more. There could be more if only I was willing to be braver, play bigger. Getting stuck at home when COVID hit was the catalyst for me. I was curious for years about co-active coaching and the more I studied with Tara Mohr, the clearer my path became in my mind. But once the inspiration passes, the hard work, the consistent work begins. And the best work comes out of the process. The work itself. 

I know that if I wait to get inspired before I start my day, I could stay in bed forever. Inspiration is never a part of the equation. I make sure my many micro decisions about the day are made the evening before. There's nothing worse than having to make a bunch of inane decisions before you can concentrate on what matters. Is the car charged? What am I wearing? Do I have a plan B in case of rain? What’s for dinner? Who is making dinner? All that kind of stuff can be batched and attended to once a week. Not over and over again each morning. Systematize as much of life as you can. Leave room for the gold. 

I measure my growth by putting one foot in front of the other and figuring it out. I don’t look left or right. Or more honestly, I try like heck not to look left and right and go down the rabbit hole of “comparison”. Who exactly would I be comparing myself to anyways? Just as I continually fine tune my Real Estate practice, I'm also working on being a better coach every day and my people seem to find me even though I'm just here pretty quietly. 

Getting started is always the hardest part. Understanding the physics of inertia and motion help. Inertia can be both a challenge and an opportunity. I've been a part of large corporations where their size, complexity and politics makes them resistant to change. They lack the nimbleness of a younger business. I think the trick is to 1) know you're enough 2) grow if you must but with a reason and 3) remain nimble & be willing to trim the sails constantly. So many people expanded their businesses with full time employees during the COVID boom years and those folks are still on the books. If quarterly evaluations and honest assessments were taking place, they probably would not be. 

The universe resists change. Yet it always rewards those who dare to overcome that resistance. 2024 has been a year of change for many of you who practice real estate. The NAR lawsuits have been one of the biggest things to shake up the industry. In Seattle we have been very lucky. Our multiple listing service is not owned by NAR. We also have sensible, legal counsel who are representing us so that we can continue to publish the selling office commission on the multiple listing for utmost transparency. The new law that requires a Buyer Agency Agreement to be signed before a house is shown is a no brainer and something I've been practicing for decades and should have been law from the get go. Even an Uber driver and passenger know the financial arrangement before the Uber driver heads my way. Why would it be any different for us showing a Buyer? I have always insisted on a thorough intake meeting with few exceptions, so we first can decide whether or not we are a fit and then you are educated as a consumer on the market, process and strategies. Yet it has been mind boggling how many agents have not been able to adjust and the wheels have practically fallen off their business due to these simple changes. Nimble is good. Never get too entrenched in one way of doing things. Ever. 

We are always in the Messy Middle in some facet of our lives. The messy reality of undoing the old ways and learning the new. A common challenge is trying to measure progress in the midst of the process. Ironically, in the midst of writing this post a Realtor friend of mine texted to ask if I am teaching business planning this year and wouldn’t it be great if part of the process could be data points year over year to compare production vs what the market did. Mmm. Maybe. But wouldn’t it be much healthier and empowering not to have to compare your numbers with no one else and nothing other than yourself? New agents tend to do very well in a down year because they do not have a mindset of a bad year. This is just their first year and they know they have to work hard. I personally have not really paid attention to production and dollars. I know that as long as I do an outstanding job with each client I'm honored to work with and am the most professional agent the other side has encountered, all the rest of it works itself out. 

Here is what I know about hard moments along the journey of a career. It is way too difficult to assess progress in the midst of a storm. When things are stormy and the seafloor is being churned up, there are no clear waters. You are feeling stormy and your perspective is clouded. It is very difficult to assess self awareness in this climate. 

We cannot compare ourselves to how we were last quarter or last year much less to the person sitting next to us in the office. It is such a blip of time when you zoom out. You can only attain clarity over the length of a journey. These small sample sizes do not account for the fact that progress is not linear. I think in human growth we have these life quakes and it takes time for us to integrate the lesson and only in the arc of the entire journey can something be truly assessed. Life might require us to slow down to integrate some valuable lessons. Or the accumulation of reactions to the past may catch up and need releasing. While we are attached to perfection being an upward trajectory, the truth of our life journey is much more complicated and unpredictable than that. The Messy Middle of undoing the old ways and practicing the new is constant. 

For myself, I privately grade myself on how I manage my reactions to some slip up or curve ball of life. When something happens that doesn’t make any sense, a healthy mind will get on a hamster wheel trying desperately to get it to make sense. Some things just don’t. Progress is shortening the time on that hamster wheel and being able to bless, release and move onwards. It IS easier said than done but when you can get better at that, you are reaching Mastery. The sooner you can move on to supporting productive options that support your well being, you are on the right track.

It is also important to suspend self analysis when the waters are churned up. If your mind is turbulent and you are on a downward spiral, that is not the time for self analysis but rather professional help. Being able to clearly assess where you are emotionally is maturity and mastery. Be patient and tender with yourself. Refrain from doing things you might regret later. Be your kindest friend to yourself. 

If you are still reading, thank you. I love Octobers. The maple leaf outside my home office is starting to turn orange from the top. Shackets, cashmere, wool and flannel have replaced the linen and cotton in my wardrobe. Mr Fox and I are discussing stews, chili and braises over our morning coffee. I am going to try my hand at soups this fall. I'm hoping he might take up bread baking. We have a beautiful drive up to Whistler planned and the work calendar is already getting full. Happy Fall! 

P.S.  Several of you have asked if I'm teaching Business Planning this year. Probably not on the scale we did last year but I am happy to do a smaller group that meets on Zoom or in person. Maybe up to 10-12. Reach out if interested!

Sincerely,

Coach Diane