Noticing

August 2025

Artwork by Anna Brones

August 2025 Noticing

As I wind down July, the last month of my 65th year, I would have to say the word to describe the month would be ABUNDANT. So many wonderful moments happened as a result of finally putting myself first. Something I am not in the habit of doing. 

I went away for a week to Santa Fe to the Modern Elder Academy that some of you might have heard of. I went because the speaker featured was none other than Krista Tippett, who I enjoy listening to immensely and have followed for decades. She was on NPR for years with her show On Being, which she now runs independently as a podcast. 

Then I continued on a roll by signing up for Tara’s Mohr’s Writing Workshop that I started this week and just for good measure, I also signed up for another workshop by her called Trust and Traction that I will be attending next week. If Tara Mohr offers something, you can be assured, I am going to be signing up within seconds of receiving the email. 

So this year, once again I have gone in search of myself. I have found that sometimes that requires me to go back in time to figure out how I find myself the woman that I am today.

Let me roll you back to the fall of 1977. I am in the communal living room of the Tri Delta sorority on the University of Puget Sound campus. There are no words that can explain how I ended up there that even makes sense in hindsight. Fiercely independent and a loner, a sorority was about the very last place I wanted to be, but I was living out my parent’s dream for me. If my memory serves me right I was involved in a Pledge Class Talent Show, or some such thing. All I remember was that I was super tanned from the summer and the bronzy brown, Quiana fabric of my brown halter top and wrap around skirt and wedge heels. Thank God there was no smoking allowed, as I am sure I would have gone up in a flash with an errant ember, like an honor killing. But I looked damned good, if I say so myself. Lol.

I was to strut out to the music of the Enjoli perfume commercial with a frying pan in my hand. Is anyone reading old enough to remember that ad? The lyrics to the song and tag line were:

“I can bring home the bacon, 

Fry it up in a pan, 

And never, ever let him forget

He’s a man.

‘Cause I’m a woman. 

W-O-M-A-N.”

“The 8 hour perfume for the 24 hour woman” was the infamous tagline.

And with that, dear reader, an entire generation of American women were doomed. Our entire worth, our value as women, tied to what we could do for others. I should have heeded the cautionary tap tap tap from the Universe, in the form of my halter coming undone mid dance, exposing one perfect 28B breast, which I would give anything to have back right now. Sigh.

Women of my generation were expected to have a full time job whilst raising a family and btw, throw in an MBA, while you’re at it. Yikes. Everyone and the dog or cat and goldfish came before us. We were not supposed to have “needs”. At least not until all others were fulfilled. Oh and if the nuclear family was not enough, let’s just sandwich ourselves with the responsibility and guilt of our aging parents, why don’t we? What The Hell Were We Thinking?!

So it is not surprising as the kids leave the nest and we look shell shocked at spouses we seemingly have nothing in common with, barely recognize and certainly have forgotten how to have any real conversations with. So many of us are having a deep reckoning of what next and what about me. Am I even allowed to ask that? It sure doesn’t feel like it.

I turned 60 right before the pandemic hit. At first, doing my duty to stay home and isolate was not the hardship it was for others. My favorite thing in life is to be home. Alone. But as the death tolls climbed, the joy of being at home shifted. We all felt vulnerable those early days, and it made me ask myself: What had I done with my one, precious life? I was indeed grateful for all my husband and I had achieved and the wonderful daughter we had raised. But had I lost myself somewhere along the way? I think so, because I no longer recognize the person in the mirror as I put on my face for the world each day. 

Sometimes the works of great artists and writers can reflect back to us what we didn’t even realize we were thinking about ourselves. In today’s writing workshop, Tara shared a beautiful poem by Marie Howe called Annunciation. Coincidentally, Krista Tippett had her on her show On Being in April 2013. 

Annunciation

by Marie Howe

Original Language (English)

Even if I don't see it again -- 

nor ever feel itI know it is -- and that if once it hailed meit ever does--And so it is myself I want to 

turn in that directionnot as toward a place, 

but it was a tiltingwithin myself,as one turns a mirror to flash the light 

to where it isn't -- 

I was blinded like that -- 

and swamin what shone at meonly able to endure it by 

being no one and sospecifically myself I thought I'd diefrom being loved like that.

Poets are amazing are they not? They are able to capture what I, a mere blogger, could never do justice. Any time I try to write I feel like I am clumsily stumbling around hitting my knees and stubbing my toes, trying to express what I feel. 

And so it is myself I want to 

turn in that directionnot as toward a place, 

but it was a tiltingwithin myself,

Yes! I needed to tilt within myself! The stanzas above were my inspiration and starting off point for my own writing below in the workshop today:

I am the great romance of my life. 

I am taking this chapter to

tilt towards and into myself, 

to find what would reveal itself. 

I am like an overly ripe fig bursting open 

displaying not just her delicious fruit but

thousands of seeds of possibilities within

yet to be explored. 

I so needed stillness, solitude and a release from daily responsibilities to find myself, to truly be able to tilt within myself. I am so thankful for Modern Elder Academy (MEA) that was started by Chip Conley who had a hand in the start up of Air BNB after a long career in hospitality, I can tell you that even picky, persnickety me had nothing to complain about. Chip brought in Krista Tippett, someone I had long admired and who I greatly looked forward to learning all I could.

Krista Tippett was as intelligent and inspiring for me as I knew she would be. Having lived in Berlin as a young journalist through the fall of the Berlin Wall, she drew parallels with what we are experiencing in the USA now which is on the cusp of unfathomable changes from which there will be no going back. Things will be inexplicably altered and like Humpty Dumpty (my words), we won’t be able to put it back into a recognizable form. She spoke a lot about hope, joy, trust and staying flexible and to expect change to be the norm. She shared her love for John O’Donahue, Rilke and Joanna Mays.

Not only were we cared for in beautiful surroundings but our bellies and souls were nourished abundantly. Being a student of Gatherings and Group Dynamics for some time, I was fascinated by the sacred space they were able to create in such a short amount of time for such a diverse group of people, most of whom did not know each other. I thought I was going to just sit at the feet of Krista Tippett and devour any morsel of wisdom she was offering. It turned out to be so much more than that. 

It started out with a Cowboy, straight out of central casting, who told us stories and helped us meditate and do yoga. (No don’t worry, dear Reader, I did NOT participate in yoga lest I down dog and not be able to get up). Day One, when I realized this was going to be part Adult Summer Camp, I was doing transportation Tetris in my head trying to figure out how to get the hell out of there. But I stopped myself and told myself to lean into it. If it got really bad, I had the number to the limo service, after all. 

It was fascinating to me how they created several Sacred Spaces and beautiful rituals where we were all vulnerable and seen. Some of us (I have my hand up) in ways we have not been seen in over a half century. I tilted within myself and opened up. The last stanza of the poem above said everything I felt about my Cohorts at MEA. They were the most beautiful souls that the Universe somehow arranged to be there that week. And we were each what the other needed. It was magical to be with “my people”. I felt seen and loved by humanity in a way I had never before experienced. It was not till I received it that I realized just how starved I had been. I felt like Sally Fields at her Oscar speech. The magical alchemy of beautiful cohorts in the stunning desert setting, reminded me of the Japanese saying Ichigo Ichie. This particular moment happens but once. I drank in every last moment with deep gratitude.

You can only be open to the sacred when you are vulnerable. Vulnerable with both yourself and the people around you. I was so open and vulnerable at MEA, but how to continue that now that I am home. I recently was reading Dr. Rima Bonario who wrote Sovereign Living: Embracing A New Way of Being. If you are someone like me who has difficulty asking for help, it’s worth a read. She contends that embracing sovereign power is not about rejecting kindness or care. It is learning to give from fullness and not depletion. She encourages us to shift our beliefs around accepting support. I will just share two of her steps here:

1. Rewire the narrative.

   • Where did I learn this belief?

   • Is it absolutely true or a story I’ve been told?

   • What would change if I believed something different?

2. Accept a compliment without deflecting it.

   • Say yes to an offer of support.

   • notice any discomfort that arises and remind yourself you are 

   • worthy of care.

I think back to looking at myself in the mirror during lockdown. Every wrinkle on my face letting me know I was in the late fall season of my life. But after my time with MEA, what I took away was the importance of trusting the season you are in. If we are the Lucky Ones, our life unfolds in seasons and you have the privilege of living the fall and winter. Your inner voice knows and will speak to you but only if you can get still enough. What truth might you be silencing by replacing stillness with the cult of busyness to avoid being vulnerable?

David Bowie wisely said, “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”

I walked away from my time in Santa Fe feeling hopeful which I did not think was possible. I know that I want, with what time I have left, to be a seeker of serenity and peace. And each day I will work towards that. I will go deep instead of wide with the people in my life whilst keeping my mind wide open. Krista was so generous with her time, resources, information, and thoughts. She is the consummate great listener, which is what makes her so great at her craft. It was a master class on my favorite subject: listening. I am so grateful I was able to be there with the other cohorts.

You can join us and listen in here!

Enjoy your August! 

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” -Joseph Campbell

XOXO,

Coach Diane

Blog Artwork by Anna Brones